Does this phrase
“I hope we’ll remain as friends”
Means you want us to be friends, and not more than that?
You said that just to stay away from me for some reasons?

And I’m really, thinking,
So hard.
I’m solving it,
With all my thoughts.
Its so tough.
Just like maths.

Could you please,
Just say what you need to say.

You seem to avoid me.
That confuses me too.
You said you wanted us to be friends and not more than that.
But you ignored me after you confessed.
It confuses me again.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.


It All Matters To Me.

The fact that you stopped talking to me because you’re scared that you would break my heart.

So you confessed. Things that I didn’t want to hear.
Did not expect that you would say that.
I expected too much.
But all my expectations are based on how you treated me.
You gave me hopes.
Though it was real,
But guess what? It was all false.
False hope, false alarm.

How could you?

Oh, now I get it.
You just want somebody to entertain you. That’s all.
Am I right?

Thought I could handle the pain,
The sorrow,
I was dead wrong.
The pain didn’t hit me like ‘bammm’

Thought that I moved on, got over you.
I was dead wrong.

I suffer, every night.
Waiting for you to start the usual conversation that we used to have every night.

Ended up crying in one corner,
Remembering those cute little replies,
Those emoji.

I love the way you always make me laugh.
You never failed even in my lowest time.
I love it when you get clingy,
At some times.

Its all gone.
Disappeared a few nights ago.
Have you ever wondered, if feelings can be thrown, just like ‘poof’, like in a blink of an eye?

It takes time.
I know I will get better in time.
But how long does it take for me,
To get over you? To face the fact that you’re gone?

 This camp has thaught me a lot. Especially in friendship. A wise man once said, if we really want to know our true friends, travel with them. So in this camp, i’ve seen each and everyones true colors. I swear this camp is one in a million. Great games, greatest plot twist in history of my camp experience. So the plot twist starts when we had to play kinda like an explorace where we have to complete tasks and such. Soo, my task was, to hold a “100kg of drugs” and keep it till the faci ask for it. Oh btw, drugs task were only given to peghulu and penghuluwati which is me and @rajefezal_ . Kena pegang the drugs sampai the end of the game. Then the facis asked for the drugs. At first we both didnt want to show it cos we knew it was a wrong doing to keep drugs. But we still took them out. Then the facis decided to punish us for that. They asked what should they do to replace the death sentence. One of the kids said “hantar dorg balik”. Semua faci setuju. But no one cared that we had to go home. Raja and me memang taknak balik, we pujuk facis and stuffs. Tp no use sbb facis kata dorg bukan appreciate pun penghulu and penghuluwati. There were sort of like a farewell ceremony for us yesterday night. It was damn sad and teary. semua nangis, i pun nangis mcm org gila. Like terharu plus sad. Sbb we can see whos real whos fake kan. Pastu dirg pujuk pujuk, the facis even provoked us abt “your best friend” didnt even do a thing abt this. Sedih 


Im falling.

This time, really hard.

Gosh, dont break me.

Dont let my heart shatter to pieces. 


I beg you this time.


Let it be a real one.

Allahu 😭


  The rain is pouring. So are my tears.

So devastated, wrecked.

I want the best, 

I dream for the best.

 But looking at how i did today,

I should just move on from my dreams.

Let it go.

I feel like i’ve put myself down, 

my tuition teachers, 

my teachers, 

my mother,

 my whole family

 whom are hoping for the best of me.

Im sorry.

Im sorry dear self, 

Im sorry everyone.

You can only dream and keep it in your imagination. 

I dont know if i can improve. 

I dont know when.

I have little time.

I really am sorry, for puting everyone’s hope so high.

I can only bring you guys down. 

I wish i could repay for All the money my mom has spent. 

I wish i could make everyone’s dream come true. 

My dream. 

Ya Allah help me. Help make my dream come true.

If it is meant to be, then be it. 



Au revoir

I believe he has found someone. 

Im glad. Really.

Cos afterall love is all about the happiness of your partner.

Even if the happiness is not with you but someone else, its okay.

Love, needs sacrifaction. Just to achieve his/her happiness.

In my case, i sacrificed my love and feelings, just for him to be happy even with someone else.

I dont mind. 

I dont mind all the heartbreaks, days and night crying cos im hurt. 

Its okay. 

At the other side, i still can share a bit of your happiness.

It makes me happy seeing you happy. 

For me, i’ll keep praying for the happiness to be longlasting. 

Thats all. 

Im fine 😊

I just need to let you go. 

Cos i know the time has come, plus you have found someone. 

Truly i dont have a chance, 

So why wait? 

Goodbye. Thank you for all these years for making me smile every night. 

Thank you for your kindness towards me.

Thank you for making me the happiest kid, once.

Im really greatful you were once the boy whom made me happy. 

Im lucky you came. Even for a while.

At least i felt the happiness of being loved. Cared. 

Once again, 

Thank you and so long, goodbye,

The one that got away ☺️ 

So far, still catching my breath,

2015 is so far my busiest year, cs its my senior year. I really hope i can pull everything off without slacking.  





oh memories😿                              

Tall, dark, handsome 


  i fangirl to both of em, but one already got away.

I know. 

I wont get what i want. 

What exactly  i want. 

Tall, dark, handsome and of course, gentleman. 

Neverthelessly, i’ll just pray for the best of the best for me. 

But really, these two guys are my eye candy😍

I just realised these 2 boys are called ‘Mad’

Maybe guys with the name Mad are just tall dark and handsome 😍


Im a useless man now


No pa, youre not. You never were. Never will be. You’ve raised me. You’ve given me all your love, you cooked for me. Eventhough you hitted rockbottom, while raising me, “papa didnt work hard enough for you guys”. Still, youre my forever, no matter what. You’re real, you’re true. My one true love. I’ll love you no matter what you do, what you are. You’re the who has gave me life. You and mama. Theres nothing in this world that can stop me from loving both of you. My love for mama and pa is true. Eternal. 

I hope this test will make you stronger.

I pray for every single day you’ll live long. 

I pray that you’ll watch me grow up.

I pray for you’ll one day, celebrate my achievements.

I pray for your happiness. 

InsyaAllah pa.

Same goes to mama. I love my parents equally. I love both mama and papa unconditionally. 

Thank you mama, papa, for who i am today. I’ll keep praying for happiness in dunya, akhirah for both of you. InsyaAllah. Pray for that one day, jannah opens for both of you ma, pa. 

Wait ma, pa. 

I’ll make both of you proud of me. 

Please wait. 

Wait for my celebration. 

Stay for my wedding. 

Stay for my treatments for both of you. 

Stay with me when you get older. 

Stay and Take care of your grandchild. 

Please stay a little longer for all that. 

I want to take care of you ma and pa. 




•Have the greatest year of school life; 2015
•be a successful student; 9A+ SPM
•Continue studies till Masters/ PhD
•be a well-known doctor; Surgeon
•be a great daughter to both mama and papa.
•be a loyal servant to Allah.
•be a traveller — with my own money.
•Travel around the globe with the loved ones.
•bring mama and papa to perform haj and umrah.
•backpack to Mekah.

seeing people in pictures on instagram having and living life to their fullest.
makes me set my goals,
determined to achieve it.
Allah knows,
effort matter.

One thing i know, learned from their lives;
they will never have a PERFECT life– simplicity.

One is having such a good time in pictures, travelling,
till i reached this particular post.
tears streamed down my face.
One just lost the father.

Allah replaced that with a good travelling life despite the lost.
Because– Allah is the Fairest.
he takes what he owns,
he give what we deserve.
As he is, Fair.

Always remember,
win some, lose some.

Always remember;

i miss you [12:…

i miss you
[12:31:22 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: miss our friendship
[12:31:32 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: hope u wont read this but yea
[12:31:52 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: i baca all our convos from 2012
[12:31:59 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: damn how i miss us
[12:32:06 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: been thinking bout you lately
[12:32:27 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: maybe u didnt know, but i wrote about you
[12:32:29 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: a lot
[12:32:31 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: everywhere
[12:33:01 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: maybe u tktau
[12:33:13 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: but i dah lama ada feelings for u
[12:33:17 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: and i kept it
[12:33:27 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: then i wanted to confess, u stopped me
[12:33:32 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: u confessed first
[12:33:52 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: saying we’re just friends and trying to make me calm
[12:34:03 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: and again i kept it to myself
[12:34:26 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: maybe sampai skrg there’s a little piece of you, left in me. cuz i kept it
[12:34:40 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: tried moving on. yes ofc i tried
[12:34:47 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: and still trying
[12:34:58 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: im sorry u had to read this
[12:35:49 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: but i never ever regret knowing you, falling for you. never
[12:36:16 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: maybe we have nothing. but im glad u once, the boy whom always make me smile
[12:37:15 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: i tau u tau all this. but i can keep it anymore. cant keep it to myself forever. i got to let go right? so here i am
[12:37:19 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: u dont have to reply
[12:37:23 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: just letting u know
[12:38:32 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: i cried reading all our convos
[12:38:44 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: i cried thinking of the memories we once had
[12:39:36 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: my friends said, u’re piece of shit, for making me cry all the time
[12:39:49 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: but it felt good. crying over someone u love.
[12:40:47 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: do not feel anything for me
[12:40:56 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: im sorry i’ve put u into this
[12:41:01 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: but u dont have to invlove
[12:43:34 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: oh ya, i still stalk u. regularly. not a rebound boy just like i did to other exs. truth is, i have exs becuz at the end of the day, all i think is you. you.
[12:46:04 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: soooo, i hope lepas i let go semua ni,
[12:46:34 AM] Aliyah Nabilah: eveything will stay as memories. not feelings anymore.